WHO IS RED?
by BeehiveOneThreeZer0
Summary: information regarding to the infamous character in all my fanfiction as discovered by Axel and Roxas.
1. Chapter 1

WHO IS RED?

Axel turned to look at the three massive words. Roxas tilted his head in confusion. "Red is a person?"

Axel tugged on one of his spikes, "maybe someone with red hair."

They exchanged casual glances and walked away from the massive words 3-Ded and on fire thanks to

INSERT:

HAMBURGER

Cue the gigantic hamburger falling out of the sky and the chorus of DAMN stolen from youtube's stick figures on crack. The hamburger fell on Axel and his hand reached upward, fingers curled and twitching from the blow. Roxas looked horrified. He looked up at the sky as Axel crawled out from under the massive fast food. He took one long step away from Axel.

INSERT:

SODA

A massive soda fell on Axel and the redhead climbed out after pushing the lid off with a wheeze. "Wha- what the hell?"

"I think we're supposed to look for this 'Red' person."

"Says who?"

Roxas pointed at the ceiling. "Do you want fries with that?"

A country song broke out in the background. Roxas looked around nervously.

"Fuck this Red person, whoever he is."

INSERT

THUNDERSTORM

A massive thunderstorm appeared in two seconds and a lightning bolt struck Axel, and his soda covered self, DOWN.

"I'll take that as an 'I'm a girl you dick'." Roxas said smiling.

The redhead slipped back into the beverage with a groan.

TIME SWITCH

THREE HOURS LATER

"ROOOOOXAS."

"WHAT!?"

"We've been wandering around in digital space for hoooooooooourrrrsssss."

"We have to find this RED person before she kills us with more fast food."

"But its been hours! We'll never find her!"

Roxas suddenly paused and looked up towards the not-really ceiling. "OH RED." he began like a preacher. "Show us a sign. Where are you?"

A big sign suddenly appeared behind them. "Well that's convenient."

AXEL AND ROXAS. It read. YOU'RE NOT HERE TO _FIND_ RED. YOU'RE HERE TO EXPLAIN WHY SHE'S IN EVERY FICTION. WHO SHE IS. AND OTHER STUFF.

"Other stuff?" they said together, turning to look at each other. They looked up and pointed to the giant 'you are here'.

"I guess we visit each place." Roxas muttered. "We're closest to the 'WHY IS SHE HERE' section."

Axel cursed and the two trudged the way there. Roxas almost seemed happy about it. "What's got you all happy?"

"well," Roxas said simply. "We're about to find out more about our writer."  
"So? It sounds horrifying to me."

"Funny since I recall a giant Axel under 'LIKES' section."

He groaned in response.

"Here we are!" Roxas proclaimed, jumping in front of a gain flaming WHY and a door in the bottom part of the H. "Let's go!"

Axel cursed and followed numbly through the door, fearful of another Wendy's frosty being dropped on him. This time with M & Ms.

They walked into a giant computer screen, almost walking into the screen. They turned around and realized they were in a word document. "What the-"

The words started typing themselves and Roxas said "OMG SHE'S typing this."

The words typed as he read them. Roxas blanched. "Oh shit." Axel muttered.

"STOP TALKING." Roxas demanded.

…………………………………………………….

"Wow."

The blinking text bar paused before shutting them up and music played in the background as the words typed themselves. Caps lock of course.

THE NAME IS RED. I PUT MYSELF IN MY FANFICTIONS FOR IMPORTANT REASONS.

1) COPYRIGHT/PLAGURISM- IT'S HARD TO GET AWAY WITH REPORDUCING THE AUTHOR OF A STORY.

2) FUN- I GET A SPECIAL KICK OUT OF IT

"that's not important."

3) IT ADDS A CERTAIN QUALITY TO THE STORY- EXTRA PEOPLE MAKE A REAL LIFE STORY MORE BELIVEABLE. IF IT WAS ALL MADE UP PEOPLE… THEN THERE'S NO PROOF SOMETHING CAN HAPPEN LIKE THAT

4) I'M TIRED OF ALL KH PEOPLE BEING RELATED SOMEHOW- SERIOUSLY, MY PERSON ADDS A SISTER, CHILDHOOD FRIEND, OR SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.

"Here here. I'm tired of being Reno's brother."

"Least your not Sora's."

Axel shuddered.

5) I CAN DO SHIT LIKE THIS.

"That's not funny."

PLEASE EXIT TO YOUR RIGHT.

They then noticed a door with a flashing exit sign and Roxas ran off for it. Axel was forced to follow with the threat of fast food. They walked in to see a girl at a laptop, typing away through the view of a screen. "Hey! That's her!"

Red winked and continued typing. WHO IS RED?

RED ALSO KNOWN AS LAUREN or ZERO IS A TEEN GIRL WHO USED TO HAVE RED TIPS TO HER SHOULDER LENGTH HAIR. SHE CUT IT OFF WHEN THE RED HAIR DIED, AND NOW SPORTS AN EMO LOOK. SHE SPENDS HER TIME WRITING STUPID FANFICTIONS AND DOES NOT MEAN TO CREATE MARY SUES.

"You seem like one," Axel muttered. Red glared and typed something, a giant chicken sandwich smooshed Axel to the ground and he groaned.

SHE IS A VERY TALKATIVE AND GERNALLY FRIENDLY PERSON. SHE'S ALWAYS WILLING TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH JUST ABOUT ANYONE. HER BITCHY ATTITUDE IN HER FICTIONS IS NOT EXAGERRATED, SHE EVEN KNOWS HOW TO FIGHT WITH A CHAIN.

_"Wow."_

SHE'S JUST A PACIFIST.

_"DOUBLE WOW!"_

SHE'D PUSH SOMEONE OUT OF THE WAY OF A BUS KNOWING FULL WELL SHE'D BE HIT. SHE VALUES OTHERS OVER HERSELF IN MOST SITUATIONS. SHE'S ONLY PACIFIST TO THE POINT OF 'YOU CAN FUCK WITH ME- BUT YOU DON'T LAY A HAND ON HER FRIENDS.' SHE WILL, WITH MILD HESTITATION, DECK SOMEONE FOR HURTING HER FRIEND.

SHE'S NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN IN A FIGHT THOUGH. PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY SCARED OF HER 6/10 TIMES. SHE HAS NO IDEA WHY.

SHE TALKS AND ACTS TO HER OWN ACCORD, FUCK THE LATEST FADS.

THE EXIT IS TO YOUR LEFT.

Red waved and they turned to see the door they walked in had changed and walked through the halls until they reached two doors. LIKE and DISLIKE.

"I'll take likes." Roxas said quickly. "You go for dislikes."

"Deal."

They split up.

Upon entering Roxas realized he'd made a mistake, being bombarded with akuroku yaoi.

Axel on the other hand was facing a massive amount of spiders.

RED LIKES CHOCOLATE DIPPED AXEL ROLLED IN NUTS AND A ROXAS CHERRY ON TOP WITH YAOI SYRUP. HER FAVORITE WORD IS 'BITCH' AND SHE LOVES TO WRITE AND DRAW, MUSIC IS A RELEGION AND SHE'S A DEVOTE FOLLOWERS. HER FAVOIRITE IS A VIOLIN. Roxas groaned as the Breathe by Breaking Benjamin started playing. AND COCONUT IS A GOD IN DISGUISE.

Axel meanwhile was listening to Jazz being played by a massive spider. RED HATES BASHERS THAT DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO LEAVE A REPLY ADRESS. SHE HATES JAZZ AND OTHER BRASS INSTURMENTS. SHE HATES PEOPLE THAT TELL HER SHE'S CRAZY WHEN SHE TRUSTS THEM NOT TO. SHE ALSO HATES 'SLUTTY MCSLUTSLUT.' (LONG STORY)

"I don't WANT to know." Axel muttered. He jumped aside before being hit with a waffle fry. Then a pile of icecream was dropped on him.

They walked back outside and Roxas was cherry red. Axel was picking silk off himself. "NEVER AGIAN," they both said in unison.

The "OTHER STUFF" door suddenly appeared.

They walked in to see a girl, smiling with silver hair. LAUREN'S OOC IS META. SHE'S JUST LIKE HER BUT HAS SHORT CUT SILVER HAIR. SHE ALSO INCORPERATES HER FRIENDS INTO FANFICTIONS. A girl with curly blue, like… crayon blue, hair jumped out and hugged her. THIS IS BLUE, HER BEST FRIEND SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR. CREATIVE NICKNAME RIGHT? RED IS A TOLERANT AGNOSTIC, MEANING AS LONG AS YOU DON'T FORCE FEED YOUR RELIGION TO HER, SHE WON'T CONFUSE THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND/OR BURN A BIBLE UNDER YOUR NOSE. SHE'S HAD SOME ROUGH EXPERIENCES AND WILL _NOT _TOLERATE BASHERS OF HER BELEIFS. Axel and Roxas suddenly looked worried.

Meta turned to them. "This concludes out tour. Thankies!"

They fell into a dark hole of fanfiction and were never seen again… until the next fiction where they'll interact with the writer that is…. Red grinned deviously.

RED JUST LOST THE GAME.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Hope you all enjoyed that little segment on RED. All of it was true. I'm really that fucked up I guess. Axel and Roxas just made it a more amusing way to tell everyone who I was.

Kinda like a TAGGED fanfiction. Start a trend if you want. I TAG…. Uh… I dunno. Who wants to be tagged? ^_^U


	2. Chapter 2

before you read, I'm not taking the quiz then writing in everything. It's an as I go thing.

WHO IS RED TWO

THE STUPID QUIZ THINGS

Axel stared up at the title, still on fire, Roxas by his side. "Well… hopefully I won't get food dropped on me this time…"

Roxas nodded. "Looks like it's quiz time."

Axel nodded, biting his lip slightly. "Should we be afraid?"

Roxas nodded, frantically this time.

"HIYA BOYS!"

They yelped and turned around to see Meta (ME-Tuh) from part one. "GAH! When did you get there!?"

"I just got written in sooooo… just now."

"What do you want from us?" Axel hissed.

"I'm filling out all those stupid things your _supposed _to put on your profile. But rather than gunk up my pristinely awesome profile page I'm junking up 'who is red'."

They exchanged glances. "Okay…"

"Right then!" She turned on her heel. "First stop… Uke or Seme!"

They looked scared, and she dragged through the door of websites when the hesitated.

you enjoy licking things?

Meta paused. "That's rather blunt." She pressed a button that read, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Axel leaned over her shoulder and stared at the massive lettering, Roxas hung back and looked disgusted.

you ever bought hair dye for yourself

"Of course! I'm a CHICK." She stabbed the next button that read it's not really my thing because all the other options didn't fit.

Axel squinted, "does that say, 'I'm putting it in someone's shampoo?'"

"Sure does," she muttered.

"That's AWESOME."

She smiled and went on to the next question.

3. Have you ever tied someone up.

They all just gaped at the screen. Roxas had to come see, and then joined in. His jaw nearly hit the floor. Axel pointed to one. "Click that one."

She clicked 'Bondage… mmmm.'

4. Have you ever been tied up?

"OH HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO," Meta whined, stabbing the button that said 'You wanna die?'

Axel snickered behind her.

5. What kind of shoes do you wear?

"What kind of question is that?" Axel mused, looking down at his black boots. "We don't have a choice."

"Well Meta wears combat boots… Lauren does too on occasion, but really…" She clicked 'tennis shoes' "I go comfortable."

"I hear that," Roxas said, giving her a poorly executed high five.

6. Would you feel guilty for taking advantage of someone?

Meta began laughing hysterically. Axel clicked 'laughing my ass off' for her.

7. Weapon of choice?

The boys gaped at the first choice. "WHAT!?"

Red snickered and laughed. "A body is a GREAT weapon."

"That's not even FAIR," Axel whimpered.

Meta clicked chains. It was true.

8. Do you have any piercings?

"There's no options for me!"

"Do you?" Axel asked.

She brushed her hair aside to show pierced ears. "Duh."

"Do you want more?" Roxas asked, reaching for the mouse.

"Well…. Yeah…" she mused.

Roxas clicked belly button piercing Meta smiled. They already knew her too well.

9. Alcohol.

"how many times did you misspell that?"

"Shut up."

She clicked "Well I've never tried it" because she's only been allow itty bitty taste testers.

10. What kind of vehicle do you drive?

"I don't!" She wailed in misery. Oh how she loved her caddilac.  
In her moment of exasperation Axel clicked 'Bicycle'… She even ran over people when she got the chance…

11. How do you eat your icecream?

They looked at her. She smiled and clicked 'Uhm… in a cone?'

12. What gift would you give your partner?

They grimaced at the choices. Meta reached out from her position of leaning as far back as she could and clicked 'Did I forget someone's birthday'

13. What's your ideal pet?

"This test goes on FOREVER!" Axel complained.

Roxas swiped him across the head. "Read the choices."

He did and gagged. Meta smiled like a cat and clicked 'something that obeys my every command.'

They glanced at her. "All men are animals but some make good pets…"

They looked horrified.

14. How do you order at a restaurant.

Without hesitation, Meta clicked 'Spend twenty minutes changing my mind and generally screwing with the server's head.'

15. Sever brings wrong food. What do you do?

"Uh… duh…" meta groaned. Axel nodded as she clicked, 'Smile and politely explain while planning the server's bloody demise'

"Sounds just like her…" Axel groaned.

16. Someone is checking out your partner. You:

Meta laughed. "No one's that STUPID."

Axel clicked 'Smile, introduce yourself, and then slip out back to set their car on fire.' For her.

"Where's a lighter?" she asked, searching imaginary pockets. Roxas grimaced. "You two think too much alike for my taste."

17. Your dream occupation:

They all looked at the choices… "Well… this should be interesting."

She clicked Pole Dancer because it sounded the least illegal.

18. What's your favorite accessory?

Axel's eye twitched. "I don't think I want to know."

Roxas grinned and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and clicked her option, still snickering at what Roxas said. 'My Weapon'

"What did he say."

She shook her head and waved him off.

"NO REALLY, what did he say?

Roxas grinned.

19. What costume would you wear to a masquerade?

"WHAT DID HE SAY!?"

She was so bus laughing that Roxas had to guess for her and clicked 'Masquerade? So many victims, so little time.'

20. What kind of music do you listen to?

Axel was still busy trying to choke Meta. Roxas didn't have to guess on this one: 'Rock'

21. "Do you usually find yourself on top or bottom"

Roxas had read it aloud and Meta and Axel paused in mid action… then burst out laughing.

"Just answer the question."

"I'm a GIRL. Where girls usually?" She continued to laugh.

He clicked 'laughing my ass off'.

He called the two over and after they regained their breath, he clicked the 'submit to your fate' button. They all stood wide eyed as the screen took forever to load.

Then they burst out laughing at the horrendous picture and the words

**_You are a Sadistic Seme!_**

_It takes a special kind of uke to appreciate the punishment you dish out. Making them beg for mercy is what you're all about. You give your uke the gift of pain, and the louder their moans are, the more satisfied with the relationship you'll be. It's no fun if they don't struggle, and struggle and torture is what the Dramatic Uke, your perfect match, lives for._

"That's weird." Meta mused over the laughter of the boys. "I got Chibi seme last time."

"I BELIEVE IT!" Roxas roared.

"I AM NOT!" She began changing the answers Roxas had messed up. "THERE WE GO! Roxas I do NOT LIKE PARTIES a masquerade would make me CRY, and I like my partners comfortable! I do not laugh like a maniac when asked top or bottom!"

The correct answer read:

**_You are a Chibi Seme!_**

_You are the seme in disguise. Able to fit in and get along with uke and seme alike, you are able to get close to the uke on their level before exerting your dominance. This makes you at times manipulative and able to fool others about your true seme nature. Because of your harmless appearance, it takes the flamboyant Flaming Uke to match wits and really bring out your aggressive side to expose you for the seme that you are._

She then pulled up the full description.

_Mischievous, loyal, and intelligent, the Chibi Seme always seems to have a quiet energy whispering around them, suggesting that there is much more to them then what there first appears to be. Laid-back, and not one to call a lot of attention to themselves, they tend to guard their creative, forceful, (and somewhat manipulative) inner self behind an easygoing and playful exterior shell, which makes it impossible for most to truly know them. It takes a special Uke personality to see into the Chibi Seme's deep hidden self and release their sensual side, but once the Chibi Seme has let in that one special person, they will be forever loyal, loving, and protective. _

_A Chibi Seme will never be completely happy with just the ordinary. Setting themselves somewhat apart from the rest of the world, they need someone like-minded to keep them challenged intellectually and spiritually - a partner to inspire their dark naughty adventures and give them the motivation to take control. _

They laughed and started to argue it. She crossed her arms and glared at them. "I'm making you take the test now!"

Roxas did and got: Badass Uke.

He then forced Axel to take the test and got: opportunist seme.

Meanwhile- Meta clapped she was laughing so hard.

They coughed and slipped away from each other.

"Is that enough for now?" Axel pleaded.

"No," she said, typing away.

"WHAT!?" Roxas practically screeched.

**_PART TWO!_**

THE IPOD SHUFFLE QUIZ

Meta pulled it up so the boys could see.

Axel handed her the infamous black ipod with the name Nevermore Forever.

They swallowed.

**The iPod Shuffle-**

_1. Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle  
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer  
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!_

**IS YOUR MOTTO?**

Lose Control- Ciara

"Don't you have a really dirty Fanfiction on that song?" Axel asked.

She nodded happily "The life of size 2 Victoria secret second skin bikini cut pink panties on spring clearance."

"that's a title?"

She nodded.

Roxas shook his head. "I'm sorry you asked."

**2. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?**

All my Life- foo fighters.

"They looked at eachother. "Okay…"

**3. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?**

Fake it- Seether

"I don't want to know." Roxas said firmly.

**IS 2+2?**

Date Rape- Electric Six

There was a pause… they busted out laughing. "NO WAY!"

"WAY!" Meta snickered.

**5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?**

Sad But True- Metallica

They continued laughing. "That's just WRONG"

**DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PERSON YOU LIKE?**

Leave Home- The Chemical Brothers

Meta nodded "True"

Axel and Roxas looked at each other, confused.

**IS YOUR LIFE STORY?**

Tourniquet- evanescene

"I hate my ipod. It knows me too well." She said, looking down at it and starting to get emo

Axel pressed next.

**DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?**

Down with the sickness- Disturbed

She snickered as Axel reached over and pressed next again.

**DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?**

Believe- Cher

She burst out laughing, strangely close to crying. Axel grabbed the evil, cursed electronic and pressed next.

**DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?**

Fifteen- Taylor Swift

NEXT. "What is it with this THING!?"

"IT'S EVIL!" Meta wailed.

**WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?**

Give me All your loving- ZZ Top

She paused and then laughed genuinely. Axel released a sigh of relief. He hated emo writers.

**12. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?**

Gimme More- Britney Spears

"WHAT!?" She screeched, bolting upward and taking the ipod as the boys snickered and laughed.

**IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?**

What Hurts The Most- Cascada Remix

"Drawing…" She muttered… hitting next.

**14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?**

Born With Nothing, Die With everything- Papa Roach.

Axel walked over to her and cocked an eyebrow in question. She smiled nervously and hit next.

**15. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?**

This Love- Maroon 5

Another pause before outragoues laughter.

"JUST BECAUSE ALL MY GUY FRIENDS FALL FOR ME!!" She screamed at her ipod between laughs, hitting next.

**16. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?**

The Longest Road- Morgan Page

She started singing it, "You go, down the longest road to nowhere…"

Axel swiped it from her and she complained as he pressed next.

**17. HOW WILL YOU DIE?**

Maneater- Daryl Hall

Axel bust up laughing and tossed it back to her. She read the title and blushed. "I'm going to CHOKE!?"

Roxas leaned over and started laughing. "Don't tell him…"

She glared at them and hit next.

**18. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WILL REGRET?**

Aenima- Tool

They were still laughing, she tilted her head in confusion at the screen. "Okay… I don't know what that means…"

**19. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?**

Beautiful Soul- jesse mccartney

She BURST out laughing. "YES! YES It's TRUE!"

Roxas grabbed the ipod blushing the shade of Axel's hair and hit next.

**20. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?**

Which to Bury, us or the hatchet?- Relient K

Roxas frowned and handed it back to her. She frowned harder as axel laughed in the background and hit next.

**21. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?**

Better than me- hinder

"I'll take that as a NO." She hissed, hitting next as Roxas patted her shoulder reassuringly.

**22. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?**

99 Times- Kate Vogele

"Being lied to? True…" she mused, putting her free hand on her hip and cocking it. Axel managed to control his laughter and snatched the ipod away and hit next before handing it to her.

**23. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?**

Nobody's Home- Avril Lavigne

Axel went wide eyed and took it back, stabbing next with his finger. Meta looked disturbed as Roxas gave her a quick hug.

**24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?**

Anthem of The Angels- Breaking Benjamin

"I LOVE THEM!" She squealed, taking back the ipod and ignoring the song. She sang along with it and hit next.

**25. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?**

No Surprise- Daughtry

Roxas and Axel exchanged glances and she hit next.

**WILL YOU POST THIS AS?**

God is a DJ- Pink

She laughed and smiled at them. "You survived boys!"

"Anything left? Can we go home!?" Roxas screamed.

"Just one more!" She answered, holding up a finger and wagging it.

"What now?"

**_THE ORGANIZATION THRIETEEN QUIZ!!!_**

They blanched and looked horrified.

"Roxas."

"Yes Axel?"

"if we don't live through this… I love you."

"I love you too Axel."

Meta grinned like a retard. "You'll need this."

She handed them a trashcan.

**Fill Out #s 1-13 With Organization XIII Member's Names In Random Order:**

("Of course" Meta glared at him)

2. vexen

3. xaldin

4. zexion

5. demyx

6. luxord

7. Marluxia

8. Roxas (Roxas sighed, fearing for his sanity)

9. xigbar

10. Xemnas

11. Lex.

12. Larxene

13. saix

**1) Is a Seven/Three pairing more on the humorous side or the angsty side?**

"Marluxia Xaldin?" Meta mused. "EW… uh… humours."

"Yeah, Xaldin would chop his dick off." Axel laughed.

Roxas nodded in agreement.

**2) Would Four/Ten be a smutty fic or a fluffy fic?**

Meta laughed, "Zexion and Xemnas?" Axel sputtered as he suppressed laughter. "Must… not… laugh… suprieror…. Dusk…" He gave up and burst up laughing.

"Uh… fluffy…?" Meta mused.

"Silver love…" Roxas said twitching.

**3) Do you reckon it's possible for Two and Nine to get together?**

"Vexen and Xigbar?"

Axel looked grossed out. "EWWW"  
"NO!" Roxas barked.

**4) One and Eleven are going out...what's the Organization's reaction?**

Meta started laughing.

"What?" Axel asked, then he say the names…

Roxas slipped up and stated laughing. "Axel and Lex! That's a good one!" He mused.

Axel grabbed a nearby trashcan and vomited.

**5) Which couple suits better? Eight/Thirteen or Six/Five?**

Roxas blanched "Roxas and… saix…"

"Or luxord and marluxia…"

Axel wiped his mouth off and stared… "Oh dear heart no…"

She picked Roxas and Saix. Roxas grabbed the bucket and hurled.

**6) Is Twelve the most attractive member of the Organization?**

They waited for Roxas waited to finish and he looked at the screen. They all paused and bust up laughing. "LARXENE!?"

"OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEL NO!" Meta screeched. "Axel by FAR!"

"Why thank you!"

"Don't feed his ego!" Roxas complained

**7) Do you think Three would be happy if Eleven and Eight got together?**

"Would Xaldin be happy if Roxas and Lex got together?"

Roxas grabbed the bucket again as Axel shook his head. "Karma Roxas… Karma…"

"I can't even picture fuzzface HAPPY… so no."

**8) Write a title for a Four/Two story.**

"Zexion and Vexen…?"

"Ew…" Axel grimaced at the screen.

Roxas looked disgusted. "Just cause their others knew eachother and all…"

"Experiment…" meta grated.

**9) Have you ever read a Ten/One pairing?**

Axel grabbed the bucket and heaved.

"I can't say I've read an Axel Xemnas story… no…"

Roxas snickered… "Look Axel… its karma…"

The redhead flipped them off.

**10) Do you think it's possible to make Five/Thirteen canon?**

"Saix and Demyx," Meta typed, thinking of the infamous 'saix puppy' it already kinda IS.

Roxas gave her a weird look.

"This thing is going to be overflowing by the time this is over…" axel muttered, setting the can down.

**11) In a Six/Nine pairing who would be top and who would be bottom?**

"Luxord and Xigbar?" Roxas mused. "They're both… so…"

"Seme." Axel finished.

"They'd probably take turns… or kill eachother…"

"Xigbar would win," Axel said nodding.

**12) Do you believe that One/Thirteen could happen?**

"I've read an Axel and Saix before…" Meta muttered.

Axel grabbed the trashcan "I HATE THAT BASTARD!" He mused as he wiped his mouth off after a full bound of hurling. "I'm running out of things to hurl…"

**13) What would the summary say for an Eleven/Three story?**

"Lex and Xaldin…?" Meta murmmered. "That's a tough one…"

Roxas supplied, "large burly man gets dick chopped off after a full strip tease?"

"Yeah let's go with that," Meta said, typing. "To the song, 'Party in The USA'."

Axel groaned.

**14) What would happen if Twelve/Seven had a baby?**

"Larxene and Marluxia," Axel muttered. "Didn't you write that once?"

"Yeah, she's in Witching Hour." Meta said. "Larxia…"

"She's a BITCH," Roxas concluded.

"That eats babies…"

They grimaced.

**15) Write a warning for a Two/One/Eight story.**

"Brace yourself boys," She said, handing Axel the bucket. He gripped the bucket for dear life. "Roxas…"

He blanched, grabbing the bucket… "Axel."

They pleaded, begged with their eyes for her not to say it.

"And Vexen."

They started coughing gagging, separating and choking on their stomach acid.

"A warning?" Meta said, trying not to picture it. "Everything was fine until HE SHOWED UP!"

"Sick!" Roxas hissed.

**16) Four and Twelve are getting married...what would Five say as a speech?**

"Zexion and Larxene… and Demyx as the spokes person."

Axel snickered, "I know what he'd say…"

Roxas nodded.

Meta waited.

"First he'd slap Zexion, call him a whore and then scream about all the good times they had…" Axel started

"Then he'd pounce on Larxene and start tearing her limb from limb. She can't touch water after all."

Axel nodded.

"The poor bastard…" Meta muttered, wide eyed.

They nodded. "It's the truth."

She smiled and rose to a stand. "Well boys…"

"What?"

"Thank you for your help, you can go now."

"REALLY!?" They screamed in unison.

She nodded with a soft smile. "I've put you through enough for one episode."

They hugged each other and started running.

"BYE BOYS!" Meta screamed as they fell back into the hole of oblivion.

"NOT ……"

She waved, smiling, and then sat back down at her beloved computer to hit her head aginast the keyboard. "DO THE POLL ON MY PROFILE! I'M STUCK!"


End file.
